Welcome to Trainwrecks, a free-to-read fiction serial that follows a group of six Seattle-adjacent friends from the year 2004 to the year 2015. Join Luna Cruz, Sebastian Velasquez, Dimitri and Victoria Hale, Duke Kingston, and Jasmine Nolan as they stumble their way from adolescence to adulthood, falling in love, making mistakes, overcoming their pasts, and staying together through it all.
For series introduction, character profiles, relationship charts, and general orientation, check out the Table of Contents!
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Jasmine’s first response to being asked to sing during the Easter service had been to politely decline. No, she would not stand in front of the entire congregation and all their visitors, her doubts and fears exposed for everyone to see. She did not want to draw attention to herself. Attention-seeking was what her past self liked to do, and she was not that person anymore.
“But you won’t be drawing attention to yourself,” Mrs. Yuri Takahashi, the pastor’s wife, had told her when she’d voiced her concerns. “You’ll be giving glory to God.”
Mrs. Takahashi had taken a special interest in Jasmine when she’d begun attending church. At first, Jasmine had only visited out of curiosity. She’d stumbled upon a Christian music station on the radio one night, and the songs full of messages about hope and forgiveness and healing and freedom had intrigued her. And so she’d convinced her parents to take her to youth group. She’d sat near the back of the sanctuary, fidgeting and sweating through her clothes, trying not to care that some of her Liberty classmates were there and openly staring at her.
She’d made it halfway through the service before ducking out, hoping she could hide in the bathroom until her parents came to get her. But Mrs. Takahashi had come in while she was splashing water on her face, noticed her pale complexion and nervous behavior, and asked her if she was alright. Jasmine had spent the rest of the night talking to her in the church foyer, confessing everything she’d done and everything that had been done to her. Mrs. Takahashi had listened. She’d treated Jasmine with sympathy and respect, had put the blame on the adults who’d failed her, the men who had taken advantage of her. And she encouraged Jasmine to keep coming, to learn more about the God who had chosen her and was calling her to different life.
Chosen. What an interesting word. Jasmine didn’t feel very chosen. She felt like she’d stumbled into God’s perfectly kept house, wet and dirty and tracking mud, and begged Him to be allowed to stay. How He hadn’t kicked her out when her younger self still followed her around everywhere was beyond her. She was a fraud. An imposter.
Outside of church, it was as if the entire world was onto her. Her classmates. Her old friends. Even Dimitri. They were all watching her, waiting for her mask to slip, chipping away at her armor to see what was hidden underneath.
“Jasmine.”
She opened her eyes. She stood in front of her full-length bedroom mirror, wearing a long black dress with a short purple cardigan over it. What a mistake that had been. The cardigan was too soft, too demure. It didn’t suit her in the slightest.
Her mother stood just outside her door. “Are you ready to go?” She’d dressed up as well, excited to see her daughter perform even though she didn’t believe in religion herself.
Jasmine took a deep breath. “Yes.”
There was no backing out now. Sebastian would be there. He’d broken his no church streak for her, and she wasn’t about to let his sacrifice be in vain.
She imagined her younger self lying in bed, dressed in a sports bra and sweatpants. “Aren’t you coming?” she asked her.
Fourteen-year-old Jasmine scowled at the ceiling. “I wasn’t invited.”
Good. It would make things a whole lot easier, not having her past mistakes in the audience as well.
~*~
The church wasn’t far from Jasmine’s house, which was how she’d ended up going there in the first place. If she’d had to pick a church out of the thousands in the greater Seattle area, she would never have gone. She hadn’t even been able to pick a Bible without a random lady at the bookstore recommending one to her.
As soon as she stepped inside, her eyes were assaulted by pastels. So many pastels. It was Easter, after all. They were supposed to be celebrating. And she’d worn black.
Luna came running up to greet her in a floral-print pastel blue dress. “You’re going to do great!” she said. Then she grabbed her arm and whispered, “You’re not gonna believe this, but Dimitri actually showed up!”
A chill ran down Jasmine’s spine. She searched the crowd in the sunny foyer but saw neither Dimitri nor Sebastian. “You’re right, I don’t believe it,” she said. Dimitri Hale in a church? He must have been really eager to see her fail.
“Hopefully he pays attention to the message this time,” Luna grumbled.
Jasmine let out a weak laugh. “Hopefully.”
They were soon separated; as one of the day’s performers, Jasmine had a reserved seat near the front of the sanctuary. Her parents went along with the Cruzes after encouraging her to do her best. She wished they hadn’t come. They’d heard her practicing her song all month—why did they need to record it on camera as well?
As expected of an Easter service, the praise and worship portion of the morning was lively. Joy. Victory. Celebration. Peace. The sanctuary was filled to capacity with people, all singing and dancing and weeping as if nothing bad would ever happen to them again because Jesus was alive. Jasmine wanted to celebrate with them, but her stomach was in knots. She closed her eyes. Think about Jesus, she chided herself. Today is about Him, not you.
And then suddenly, it was her turn. The youth pastor, Mr. Martin, made a few announcements while Jasmine stood up and made her way towards the stage. One of the college guys on the sound team handed her a microphone. She swayed unsteadily as Mr. Martin introduced her, gave her a reassuring smile, and walked off the stage so that she could take his place.
This was a bad idea.
She forced herself to move. The congregation had fallen silent, thousands of expectant eyes following her to the center of the stage.
This was a bad idea.
With the lights shining down on her, she couldn’t see anyone beyond the first few rows. Mrs. Takahashi waved at her. Jasmine took a deep breath.
Today is about Jesus, not you.
Her hands shook as she clasped the microphone.
You’ll be giving glory to God.
Right. Because Jasmine Nolan didn’t need glory. Who was she in comparison to the creator of the universe? No one. An insignificant speck. A walking pile of dust, and yet…
Chosen. She had been chosen. While she was still dancing on tables and lying to twenty-somethings about her age, Jesus had died for her, pointed at her drunken, giggling self and said, This one’s mine. She’d been pulled from the muck and mire of her life and had been washed clean, given a place at the table, unconditionally loved when she couldn’t even love herself anymore.
And though it felt like a mistake most days, deep down in her soul, she knew that it couldn’t be. Because God didn’t make mistakes.
So she lifted the microphone and sang. For Sebastian and Dimitri and Luna and her parents and her Liberty classmates and Mrs. Takahashi and every person like her who’d come to church that morning out of curiosity or desperation, so they could see what the Lord had done for her. She sang with everything she had, knowing it wasn’t enough to convey her gratitude, that it would never be enough. And though she had started to cry by the end of the song, she still held the last note, her voice strong and unwavering.
The standing ovation that followed was deafening.
~*~
When she emerged from the sanctuary after the service, it was like stepping into a whole new world. The sun seemed to shine brighter. Hope coursed through her entire body. She flinched in surprise when strangers came over to congratulate her on her wonderful performance, and she found it funny that the praise she’d once centered her entire life around now made her want to shrink away and hide. Among the people congratulating her were two of her Liberty classmates: a girl named Charity, and a guy named Seth, who had never spoken to her before that day.
Luna burst into tears the moment she saw her. “That was beautiful!” she wailed as she almost squeezed her to death. “I don’t know why I’m crying, I just—when you sang, I just—I felt it!”
Jasmine patted her back and looked over her shoulder. Sebastian stood with his parents, dressed in all black, suspiciously red-eyed. He gave her a tired smile. And sure enough, beside him was none other than Dimitri, hands in his pockets, rocking back and forth on his heels and searching the foyer for an escape like a feral cat in a trap. Church was definitely not his scene—but then again, it hadn’t been hers, either.
It was her parents who approached her next, their eyes wide with wonder, as if they were seeing her for the first time. Her mother was at a loss for words. She hugged her and said nothing, but she didn’t pull away for several seconds, and Jasmine could feel her trembling. Her father did not embrace her. He touched her upper arm and swallowed before he said, “You’ve changed, Jasmine.”
And out of all the compliments she received that day, that one was her favorite.
Author’s Note: On Jasmine’s Spotify playlist you’ll find “No Greater Love” by Rachel Lampa, which is the song she chose to sing this Easter Sunday. 2024 Jasmine is quite partial to “Holy Forever” by Chris Tomlin.
(Ah, Sebastian, you will claim you didn’t cry, but you’re not fooling anyone.)
So happy for Jasmine that she got that moment!
I can identify with Seb and Luna and Jasmine, because this episode made me cry too. In the best way. Jesus is alive and hope is alive and He is WITH US. "No more death's sting,
No more suffering." My heart is so full, I'm so happy for Jasmine and so proud of her. What victory for Jasmine, what a victory for Jesus. What a wonderful episode to read at any time of the year, but especially at Christmastime, the beginning of the reason for our hope. Praise the Lord, and thank you for this beautiful writing. ❤️